With eyes closed.

There's no way an intended private blog remains private for long because the internet is so pervasive; it robs you of your personal freedom and space with an invincible power.

Then i'll guess i'll just have to make do with it. Somehow or another.

A friend told me how my blog sounds melancholic and dispirited. I can't help but agree.

I'm only eighteen and i should have a rocking life. But i get so suppressed by hopes and expectations, i don't dare to venture and explore what's ahead.

I'm just too afraid to fail. Do you feel the same way too?

I'll probably be having an awesome life two years back, but i'm reclused in this confined shell now, wanting to be free but there's.just.no.way.out.

And i realised how small we are compared to whats beyond, whats out there. We're like pawns in a game, having to repress desires to fit into social norms, having to succumb to the life's mundane activities when there is actually so much more out there.

I'm terribly fearful of regret. I don't want to have my mind filled up with thoughts of how i should have done this and shouldn't have done that at the very last minute.

Someone once asked, a stranger perhaps, whether choosing between a life -glorious, rich but fleeting- would be miles better than choosing a life- monotonous, simple, yet extending for many years and beyond.

I would have definitely chosen the first one back then.

But twists in life leave me thinking that perhaps the smallest joys on earth come from experiencing the littlest things. The way you view the world depends on colored visions you put up; the way you love, the food you taste, the smells you take in -

Don't you often wonder where they all go to?

Those angels and demons from your dreams. The ghost whisperers and creatures of the night. Do souls simply just disappear like the wind? Or are we carried away by martians from outer space.

Given a life, why waste it?

I'm enlightened with a series of happy and grieving moments which causes me to think before I act in whatever i do.

In other words i'm just afraid of dying. Aren't you?