i should throw the laptops away.

flurry of thoughts chasing each other, running alongside with breakneck speed, trying to compete and outwin - just doing their thing.

i shudder and recoil in horror when i realise how soon As are coming. and i feel so small and worthless when the truth strikes me, assailing me off-guard at a time when i'm unprepared and raw.

like god save me. looking at how everyone gears up intensely, looking at how everyone gets so serious and focused now, i feel like i'm not doing enough. i feel like what i'm doing is far from enough. anyway WHAT IS 'ENOUGH'?

that, definitely is subjective. but i think the word is extremely scary and haunting ):

i don't know. i'm too scared of failing. i just hope what i'm doing now is right. i shouldn't hope, i should strive to achieve it. i must work hard, harder than whatever i've been doing.

God, bless me. Save me.