hello hi yo sup man

i think A levels have started to take a toll on me, it's pretty scary how i've been dreaming of A levels these consecutive days in my sleep, nehneh i've never dreamt of exams my whole life okay zzz shivers

omgz and i need to work out soon my body = flabs fat pig

oh ytd was kinda fun albeit unproductive. went to town in hope of mastering UN and it's irritating counterparts with A and H but rah, i think we should never go out ever again before As hahaha. though everyone is still a bit restrained(cos of As i bet), it was still krazily funny. and on the way back, i drooled on the bus shucks mighty mighty embarrassing

retard, stupid, himbo, you decide :

me : i know about ICJ! they settle like legal disputes and give advisory opinions on legal questions referred to it. takes non-violent measures and all. super UN man. but no link to UN right?

A : (arch eyebrows)

me : WHAT! omg oh yeah shit, they're under UN!!!

(which is actually v obvious fyi)

and I THINK H IS A LESBIAN hahaha but she's vvvv cute i swear. i read somewhere that homos 'have a passion for life' wootz

OKAY I NEED TO READ ECONZ NOW AND GO FOR CONSULTATION LATER geez sexciting.

OMG I'M DAMN HIGH NOW woooooooooots COS OF ... STUFFS. hahaha anti-climax.

anyway why the fuck am i not panicky when As start next week?

fuck you ibro, you deserve to be shot and killed and let your flesh be devoured by those pigs and dogs and disgusting animals.

Flying to nowhere.

it appalls me how my history is still floating on air. i'm just gonna start china for now, and there's tons left. i don't know what to do with it anymore. i'll be v happy if i got a C. a B would be a miracle and an A is totally out of point. ))): i'll just resign to fate how pathetic.

it's moments like this when i hope i have better brains - those that can retain informations faster and longer. coupled with an excellent discipline to just stay put and focus. RAH I CAN BE DISCIPLINED, i believe i can; well, everyone can man. it's all in your mind, if you're really determined, everything works.

this 'inferiority complex' never seem to fade away, especially so when people like cher get really, really wonderful opportunities from top universities cos of their excellent SAT results. boohoo for meeeeeeeeeeee.

but whatever, maybe i have something they don't HAHAHA like er, ........

okay good go far far far far far far away you smartasses, leave the spaces in local universities for academically-challenged kids like me. thank you very much.

But we still got to grow up.

Okay i shall take a break.

anyway i think studying makes you fat, literally. like how it still puzzles me how i ate 5 heavy meals unconsciously yesterday, something i've never done in a gazillion years.

oh man, i need to hit the gymmmmmmmmmmmm and indulge in my favourite doses of sexy tennis and swimming soon like on the 14th, when i'm FINALLY done with As and all hell break loose.

and after such nice workouts(which i absolutely love), i shall curl up in bed with a good book. oh such heavenly moments. or go club with my fave sluts or with greg yada yada yada, just like how we planned.

and dye my hair again(yes, it's the fourth time already) with sal like we already set a date to do it, or just frolicking around town aimlessly cos one big hurdle is done and over with. i hope there's no regrets.

but with As down, NS comes(i'm enlisted on the 6th of jan fyi). and then, uni(hopefully into what i want insyaAllah amin) and, finally, i'll face the world, alone.

woo times really flies. and it sounds pretty intimidating to be consumed into a world full of trials and tribulations then. i don't want to grow up, ever.

my first paper is on the 3rd. time really flies, but it'll all be over just before we know it. Hang On, Friends.

i want to do another post before i start on my arduous journey to the Economics World or the World of History(if i have time).

i think i have such wonderful friends and teachers. okay this is random but i really mean it.

like how my consultation with Mdm Yaty the other day for gp totally boosted my confidence, and how her immense faith in me really spurred me to do well and work really hard.

and other teachers worth mentioning like Miss Wong and Miss Tan who have helped us all the way.

and vvvv wonderful friends. like sal who is a such a sweet and lovely best friend. :D part of her entry which was dedicated to me totally makes my day, and i feel really good now thanks a zillion love! i love you!

and jerm, your message on MSN caught me off-guard and i didn't expect that. hahaha but that was really sweet! i appreciate you for who you are and i love you too!

and ming, the talk we had on the school rooftop(literally) just now was nice, although time ticks as we talk, but at least we know that life in pj was awesome cos we have each other; this friendship never ends. more talks on the rooftop man and hopefully the next time round, the sky will be glittered with stars.(today's pathetic NO STARS AT ALL)

okay i need to digest market structure now i HATE market structure but at least it's not as bad as history, oh well.

these few weeks have not been good, they were not hell-ish enough as what they're supposed to be. like it's so weird how i want eyebags and hell days of hardcore revision instead of other things. i get rather pissed when others are hardcore-ing and my rate is not really hardcore-ish RAH

yes get me right. i want MORE EYEBAGS AND HELL DAYS PLEASE. it scares me how apathetic and indifferent i can be, how relatively calm and relaxed i am right now. oh god please make me panic like crazy and make me study till i turn crazy these last weeks and get me to where i want to be. but please make me calm and composed during exams. Amin.

i don't know how i'll do, everything is just uncertain and clear. but i'll just leave everything to You, cos You know what's best for me; i trust You.

With this, i graduate.

let's soar,
like the balloons, we fly;
high and beyond

with hands intertwined,
and locked;
never once letting go

blocks appear one after another,
boulders come and destroy

but we'll overcome them,
and emerge victorious

as one

2 years will end soon, but it felt like 2 seconds. Good things don't last, but life moves on.

We had farewell assembly for the J2s today. Nostalgia swept me off my feet. I'll definitely miss Pioneer Junior College.

Never have i felt attached to a school before, particularly because the schools i attended before pj, Suck. With a capital S.

I've learnt so much more here, i've made very good friends, i've grown as a person. Those wonderful memories in pj will never leave me.

They're here to stay, till i bid goodbye to the world.

no more blogging I HOPE.

i get insanely jealous when i see people from top colleges get good grades for prelims. It's really absurd cos prelims are much tougher AND WHY THE HELL DO THEY STILL GET As.

i get insanely jealous when others got their As and i don't.

i get insanely angry with myself.

And so.

i'm gonna kick their butts out from the playing field. and since they're smart and they still mug like there's no tmr, i shall mug twice as hard since i'm not as smart.

IT'S MY TURN TO SHINE.

i should throw the laptops away.

flurry of thoughts chasing each other, running alongside with breakneck speed, trying to compete and outwin - just doing their thing.

i shudder and recoil in horror when i realise how soon As are coming. and i feel so small and worthless when the truth strikes me, assailing me off-guard at a time when i'm unprepared and raw.

like god save me. looking at how everyone gears up intensely, looking at how everyone gets so serious and focused now, i feel like i'm not doing enough. i feel like what i'm doing is far from enough. anyway WHAT IS 'ENOUGH'?

that, definitely is subjective. but i think the word is extremely scary and haunting ):

i don't know. i'm too scared of failing. i just hope what i'm doing now is right. i shouldn't hope, i should strive to achieve it. i must work hard, harder than whatever i've been doing.

God, bless me. Save me.

now im feeling all stressed and angry for not being able to achieve what i planned to do in a day. im afraid not meeting up to expectations and yet i tell myself to just put in the best that i can. i need to work as hard as i did, okay HARDER than i did for prelims, which hasn't really been the case for the past few days.

i have abt twenty plus more days. god bless me

Hello we watched House Bunny today! It's funny and bimbotic and i watched with a bimbo so it's all good :D

'your eyes are the nipples of your face'. Hahaha joke!

I still love the word, 'Absurd'.

OMG shoot me. This is absurd.

It's absurd how i said in my previous post, 'off to do work' but i'm still online from just now talking about things not related to A levels AT ALL.

Like checking out movie timings online cos i'm gonna watch one with hanisa, the bimbo tmr. And talking to her about absurd stuffs like.. just absurd things you wouldn't want to know cos it's too absurd.

And talking about clubbing details which i'm going with greg and his friends this saturday and worrying about 'how do i go back' cos we live absurdly far from each other.

This is really absurd cos hello world, As is absurdly approaching in less than a month's time.

HELLO i vomited twice before coming to school today. The vomit was pure sexy and titillating. Still, i came to school cos i wanted to clarify doubts for Math but stupidly, i slept during the tutorial so i couldn't ask much! Wa piang eh.

Okay off to do work study hard!

unless im thinking otherwise, but at times like these i really don't handle my words well. knowing exactly what to say to make the other person feel better, is a tough job. i wish i just knew how to reach right into their hearts, wave a magic wand and make all those horrid problems go away. i don't seem to be able to pick the right wrds though. and it is at these moments when i choose to remain quiet, remaining just as a someone to whom they can pour out their troubles to. most of the time its because i can't relate, because being in my place now i have no right to make comments such as 'i know how you feel' seeing how that would be a blatant lie. its completely different the way i see things, i wish i were more mature in many ways. when i come across too direct the words really sting. if i were to voice my deepest inner truest opinions out, it would startle many. i don't want to always have to whisper my thoughts through a one-way radio. perhaps one day i'd be brave enough to tell them how i really feel and let everyone know i'm not as strong as i wish i could be, that i might smile but inside im breaking.

I shall do more math today!

Hello world i just woke up, so much for wanting to wake up in the morning to mug hurhurhur.

ANYWAY my phone bill has exploded to the other end of the spectrum and i don't want to make it worse so i'm not going to reply to any text messages okay. JUST CALL ME TO REACH ME.

Okay i need to mug LIKE NOW cos it's already 3(!!) and i'm still going out for house-visiting(hari raya) tomorrow. (p/s: if you didn't know, hari raya is a one-month long festival.)

mug NOW sian ahhhhhhhh

as the night turns to day,
awake with unfolded blankets
i shudder

and wonder why the leaves move
ever so swiftly,

when this time,
it was a gentle breeze

I have a favourite word for this season. It's called 'Absurd'.

I've decided not to go out tonight because As LIKE A FEW WEEKS AWAY AND I SHOULD PRIORITIZE.

I CAN GO CLUBBING EVERY SINGLE NIGHT AFTER As ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYY

And i should study right? YES, LIKE NOW.

Gosh when i see how frantic and panicky everyone is at this point of time, i freak out. Okay mug ibro mug ibro mug ibro

Stef went like, 'You should like throw your computer out of the window, seriously'.

AGREED.

One step forward.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

----

Today is extremely not productive, i'm extremely disappointed with myself. I CANNOT study at home, distractions are aplenty and invincible. I NEED TO GET OUT.

And i think i'm losing my momentum, i hope i'll regain it soon or risk slashing my wrists.

Okay i'm gonna club this friday till i die or chill till i grow sick of slacking. After having a kickass time, then i'll mug like mad, amin.

Place yet to be confirmed but we'll be heading tentatively to Fashion Bar.

One more month to As omgz screamzzzzzzzz