Alive, but am not living.

sometimes i think i don't have a purpose in life. and to have such a realisation, when you're 18, is really undesirable and uncool. like how i'm just living because i have to, because i know this is the only chance i have, because .......

it feels like there's no end, no exit; just stretches of road - trudging, falling, standing up again, falling again, standing up again, and again this whole never-ending cycle repeats itself because ...

it is just the nature of life. it just is.

and it really irks me so bad when i realise i don't know what i want at this juncture in life. like when i'm being asked 'so what do you want to do', i'll be 'hmm, just whatever my grades can get me to'. or previously, i'll be like 'well, psychology! or comm studies!'. no, not anymore.

having no purpose in life makes me feel like there's so many options and alternatives out there to explore, but then again, it makes me feel like i'm doing it for others. like since i don't know what i want, let's just give other influential parties to decide.

i feel so confused and fickle-minded. i have no idea where i'm heading to.

just ride with the waves.