))):

eh it has been a hiatus, somewhat and god how time flies.

first paper for mids is econs which is ... i'm speechless.

yknow all this cramming has left me into my own world, a cocoon which is cramped and voiceless; waiting for light to dawn upon it. with a new air, hope, chance....

having order in life gets so goddamn monotonous nowadays its eating at my brains, clawing right at me and digging deep down my flesh. sometimes i crave for excitement to just bump into me, perhaps a tiny adventure, or even an accident. my mind has been drifting much (especially so these last few days of attempts to study) i tend to, hmm let's see, count alot and wish too much.

and i wish for all the good things in the world to chance upon me. i wish for me not to be me, and for me to be that child sitting there without a care in the wrld just waiting for his chocolate doubles on cones. or that resolute man i saw, in his mid twenties, looking so confident and set out for life.

i am so tired of living just for the sake of living. and not living like how i would assume life should be like. perhaps if fate would let me be, i shouldn't be where i am today, succumbing to the persistent social demands, whereby everything seems faraway and another day passes as silently as it came by. it didn't always use to be this way. but beyond the apparent hurdles in life, whats next? what comes after we're done with the year? what comes after?

i don't know.