Maybe, i'll survive.

Mids are gonna be over like on tuesday (:

Anyhoo, i received a call from yuan ytd which totally made my day cos he said there's a contemporary dance workshop at Esplanade on 6 August!!!!!!! And i literally shrieked and went like -omg- in the most ecstatic tone ever.

And he went like (somewhere along this line), ''Anyway, it's a weekday, you'll prolly not go to school on that day right?" HAHAHA yes yes and hopefully there's no major test/whatever on that day pls pls.

Heehee i'm agog man but then again, it'll be damn near to As. Crap, such a bummer.

Yesterdayyyy

I wanted to go to the beach but the sweltering heat of the sun is just ... engulfing. Literally speaking, yes. So, eventually we went to SAM for the flea market and Teaparty after that. Let the pics do the talking yoooooo.















As what vic choooo said, i'll mug now and dance for the rest of my life.

I wonder who wrote this, it's prolly the kid inside me.

Omg this is scary cos it's v v v v v v true(for most of it omg) damn scary.

What Ibrohim Abdul Karim Means

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Maybe some things are a tad too exaggerated(like the part which stated that i'm very lucky cos i really don't think so!) but then again, some are totally true to the point of utter disbelief cos like HOW DO YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. Cos obviously the writer of this random thing doesn't even know i exist.

Words of wisdom; Think about it.

Sometimes i feel like i demand and hope too much, and it's tiring me out or i'll ultimately break down cos it's beyond my ability(oh talking about innate stupidity) and i want to give up there and then.

Maybe i should just take things easy and it's proven(umpteen times) that by this way, i'll perform so much better. But what about that inner voice, that perfectionist inside me - wanting to take control and just refuse to shut up.

Then, maybe lowering down my standards would help. Or resign myself to fate or maybe settle for less? ):

Pragmatically speaking, are you better than someone if you're smarter? What makes you worth more as a person? People say a lot about how being nice and possessing un-measurable qualities matter so much more in life than grades or brains, but somehow i think a total dumbass would be worth less than the average human even if he were the nicest person on earth.

I admit with a whole lot of shame that i judge a lot on performance, while i have no idea if that's a shallow and soulless or simply practical and true method of valuation.

But then again, there is no absolute/universal/intrinsic value in anything, ie. there is no true measure of better/worse. It's a relative measure, and when people call something "better" or "worse", it naturally has to be preceded by a criteria or context in which to measure it.

And so, we shouldn't feel stupid/or whatever along those lines cos maybe we're just putting too much pressure on ourselves by comparing with geniuses.

Personally, i think intelligence has many wings. There is the ability to be witty and sharp, the ability to focus for long periods of time, the ability to grasp concepts very quickly, and most importantly (to me), the ability to make moral decisions about what is right and what is wrong. These things require the brain to be functioning and are all at least important.

But as karen said to me, singapore and by extension singaporeans have such a narrow perception of what intelligence is, it's so rigidly delineated and institutionalised, and it's such an easy way out, because it's so definitive: if i get a good score or a grade, then i can be absolutely sure that i am 'good.' But i think it's better to make the choice to view human beings' 'intelligence' as more complex than that.

'Intelligence' as i posited has so many facets to it. You should not let yourself be affected by one minor assessment of it. It's too shallow to measure it independently cos it's the big picture that counts eventually.

All in all, i think the rainbow measure is pretty and v tempting, but its a v v v optimistic outlook. What if your rainbow only had one colour?

HOW TRUE.

I think exams are really not a test of intelligence(okay maybe 50%) cos i strongly believe that luck plays a part too. I've never been a strong believer of luck and the wonders it'll bring you, but now i'm convinced.

You know why! Cos if you're freaking lucky the questions that come out will be like among the topics that you're strong at but apparently i don't know why(maybe i'm cursed) cos the questions that have been coming out for me are all my weak ones!! How worse can it get!

HISTORY IS THE WORST EVERRRRRRR you know why! due to the disgusting syllabus and like there's so much to mug so i studied those which are more important which eventually amounted to 70% of the syllabus.

AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED! ALL the questions that came out were like from the 30% stack of notes wtfffffff how unlucky can i get!!

Oh and it's even worse when you think you've mastered it and right in front of the paper, you FORGOT those nonsensical shitzzzzzz omg then you'll be like CRAP I KNOW THIS but you can't seem to recall okay byebye to the question.

So the moral of the story is : DON'T STUDY AND JUST PRAY FOR ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD.

Droplets of gems.

Mids is halfway done, and i'm trudging on the road to self-destruction with a key in hand; to an abyss of regrets and what-if(s).

Sometimes i really wonder if the jc system is meant to make us feel more unworthy, dense and stupid(like we already are). Maybe it's me, maybe it's the system, maybe it's them, i don't know.

But one thing for sure, i'm tired - i'm really, really tired.

It's moments like this that i need my friends more than anything else. A big shoutout to jerm, who has stood by me firmly, always having faith and encouraging me when everything seems to go haywire. Thanks for always being there, and being so generous with your advices to spur me on.

Teaparty/ecp really really soon, like tomorrow! :D

Josh Groban - Don't give up, You are Loved.

I want to tear my humongous stack of notes away, till the very last bits and pieces and chuckle it off with an authority like i own the world.

But as for now, i'll suppress it. I'll make do with it. I'll endure.

hope - it's an evasive entity.

))):

eh it has been a hiatus, somewhat and god how time flies.

first paper for mids is econs which is ... i'm speechless.

yknow all this cramming has left me into my own world, a cocoon which is cramped and voiceless; waiting for light to dawn upon it. with a new air, hope, chance....

having order in life gets so goddamn monotonous nowadays its eating at my brains, clawing right at me and digging deep down my flesh. sometimes i crave for excitement to just bump into me, perhaps a tiny adventure, or even an accident. my mind has been drifting much (especially so these last few days of attempts to study) i tend to, hmm let's see, count alot and wish too much.

and i wish for all the good things in the world to chance upon me. i wish for me not to be me, and for me to be that child sitting there without a care in the wrld just waiting for his chocolate doubles on cones. or that resolute man i saw, in his mid twenties, looking so confident and set out for life.

i am so tired of living just for the sake of living. and not living like how i would assume life should be like. perhaps if fate would let me be, i shouldn't be where i am today, succumbing to the persistent social demands, whereby everything seems faraway and another day passes as silently as it came by. it didn't always use to be this way. but beyond the apparent hurdles in life, whats next? what comes after we're done with the year? what comes after?

i don't know.

1 plus 1 is 11.

Oh the perils of procrastination.

It's highly probable that i'll screw up math mocks tmr cos like i've only completed one section out of 5 and there's like 5342365432 questions cool right?

Oh oh, don't even talk about econs.

Wait, what is econs? Is it like a fruit or some random toy at that mama shop?

We're even now.

standing
with legs firm
on the groud

unyielding
unwavering

the ball's rolling

running across
glanced at the faces

so familiar
yet unrecognizable

those clothes
yellow and stained

those lily-white steps

gone
into a world of

masquerade

Leave me out with the waves.

We went to Sentosa yesterday! But sadzzzzzz, we missed the summer party at cafe del mar ):

After not being there for like half a year or something, i am rather amazed at the changes implemented. It looks kinda different, much lovely yes.

Actually i was kinda disappointed cos there weren't many hot ppl that day like oh man bad timing hahaha. At least, the sun was good but i was such a himbo like i only applied sunblock on my hands/legs but not on my face!

Presenting to you, my old bud; jermzzzzz!

But she's silly and shy; she hates taking peekchas. HAHA. C'mon man, peekchas are like the sexiest thing on earth(provided there's no swimming, models, dance and tennis :D)

Look at my chem notes in the blue file. Disgusting ): But it was actually conducive to mug; good company, calm and serene atmosphere, pretty sceneries with beautiful waves calling out to you. I guess that's enough :D

This shot is awesome like look at the clouds and the setting. Man, such a pleasant surprise cos it was kinda random and like it was a self-timer shot. Fantastic.



We saw this and jer took it the next second. Oooh, the wonders of God's creation. Breathtaking.

Thanks for the day jermzzzzz, love ya pal! Teaparty soon (:

Fly, let's fly.

I want to gain weight and work my bod out and be bufffff!

Anyway, this sucks. I was trying to do a chem paper ytd and i was pissed cos i forgot my electrolysis/electrochem shitzz and so i gave up and went to sleep.

Then, i had a terrible nightmare that i chose to retain and the feeling was omg dreadful. I wouldn't want to land myself in such a situation like even if you give me a million buckeroos.

Aiya fuck la i hate studyinggg i don't wanna studyyyyyy )):

On a lighter note, i went to Chinatown last wed(this post abit too late but better than nothing right haha) and oh mannnnnn, it was my virgin visit to Ann Siang Hill; a place where the gays unite! HAHA.

It was actually not that disgusting la. I guess in this society, there's bound to be such people. It's certainly not gross man, we should just like respect them cos like everyone deserves a right to live in any way they want it to be. Just don't spread those HIV viruses around!



Hiakhiak it's the rainbow flag which is apparently, a gay flag. Haha!



We didn't know what was this place but we received stares when we're like going up the flight of stairs. Haha! According to my friend(whose identity shall not be disclosed), it's a place where old uncles unleashed their sexual desires and have a good time with ....... yes, another old uncle.



I think this is a good shot taken by jer (: Just my two cents' worth.





Yours truly took these two! Actually what i was trying to capture was hope. Like those kind of unexplainable hope that emanates y'know y'know. (:

There was this swing at China Square and we grabbed it instantly once it was empty hiakhiak typical Singaporeans hahaha!







Then we went to Clarke Quay where jer treated me to dinner cos she owed me one hahaha thanks yo!







Love this shot, it's very abstract yes?

Wooo blogger rocks like for once cos uploading of photos was smooth-sailing, awseome man. Sentosa pictures up next! :D

can't think of anything okay bye

i've never hated math but i forgot my j1 stuffs and it's such a pain in the ass to restart my foundations ah crap i declare that i hate math now. ): ) :):

i should smile more, stop being snobbish and acting that i'm-too-cool-to-mingle to unknown people cos i want more friendssss. that being said, i'm still thankful that i've made many many friends still tsktsk, with some deserving top honour you know who you are much loveeeee.

i think i'm damn stupid and my brain is toooooo small argh sad ): okay get over it.

anyhoo, eh i can actually study at home yay. wayyy better when everyone's asleep like after 1am especially hiakhiak shit am super unproductive today only did chem mcq wah die.

okay shall go do complex numbers after this sadzz ):

anyhooooo blogger sucks cos jerm can't update her pics i guess? and i want the peekchas! ah well anyway sorry babe i don't feel like sentosa-ing tmr cos i wanna go swimming :D

have been applying face masks religiously HAHAHA i hope it helps if not...

darryl's blog is hilarious shitttt. anyway, that sucker is among the top few percentile of students in singapore with a freaking social life that i bet is 4380495745% way better than yours and he goes for french manicure and watches antm and gossip girls HAHA he cracks me up.

i want more moolah i need to shopppp

Our innate nature in this superficial world.

I was bloghopping just now and like i chanced upon a friend's friend's friend's blog with pictures that made me feel like wtffffff why is the world so unfair!

I don't know if i sound like a shallow bitch/himbo/whatever but nehhhhhhh wtf wtf wtf. I'm pissed. Like i didn't know -this top school- has so many hot peopleeee omg kill me.

Okay, maybe they're supposed to be nerdy blahh. But the ones that i saw are like so hot like wtff where got geeky lor!

Like since they're so smart then at least make them ugly or something la! But no, what i saw was the exact opposite. They're even hotter than some of my hottest friends which are already hot ttm. Aiyo, so not justified.

Like there was this really hot girl and a hunk with such sharp and distinct features with a really hot bod. WTFFFF.

But i'm sure they'll lack something right right right? like maybe the guys will have like a minute and microscopic penis HAHAHAA.

Anyhooooo, my point of contention is not about the students or to curse them but rather, to emphasise on the ugly facet of life. Maybe, some people are just meant to live a life which is oh so heavenly. UNFAIR!

But whatever it is, I know that God is fair and we should all be thankful/grateful for what we have but arghhh it's easier said than done, don't you think?

So whatever fuck okay cb nabeh i shall go work out and have a freaking hot bod too so i wont feel insecure arghhhh

Let it all out baybehhhhh and then, focus.

I tell you if you're stressed up and you don't feel like doing anything, dance your ass off and you'll feel good!

I was chatting with Gary Ash earlier on and he was emphasising on how confused and perturbed i was. And so, he suggested that i do something which i really want, let it all out and study after that.

Of course i danced what else (:

Danced contemp to Kelly's Sober and freestyle to Pink's U + Ur Hand consecutively. Phew, i'm sweating like a pig and the feeling is gooooooood. But i'm having a slight headache, must be due to the intense and extremely vigorous moves(for Pink's esp) hahahaha.

Okay okay i shall go have a hotttt date with chemistry now!



Drinks on me, take your pick.

Till he opens his eyes.

"No, not now. I can't, i really can't. My priorities, my aims; they're bugging me. But, you know my heart's with you. I'll come to you. 5 years, 10 years? I don't know. But, please. Wait for me. Just.. wait."

I love you all, i really do <3

Geez, what an unproductive day :/ tsktsk, what's new you tell me!

You know i'm pretty glad that i deleted my previous blogs(first one, especially) cos of the incessant random viewers which kinda left me insecure cos my privacy was invaded(i don't like to divulge personal informations to unknown passerbys!). The stats were kinda shockingly impressive which was rather appalling cos i did not like promulgate it to everyone.

But yessa, i changed links numerous times to this one which is really, really low-profile; yay, i like. I bet less than 5 people know about this link man how cool. (:

Anyhooooo i miss these people and i'd like to make a shoutout to them hear me screammmm.

Six years and counting. Even though we're doing different things with disparate directions, i believe we'll still hold our hands together in this journey. Ily both (:

Haven't seen yuan for like 12542 years miss you manzx, long MSN convos are not sufficient. ): Occasional meetups with jerm though, she's always on! You're like always there when i needed a listening ear thankyou :D Good buddies from the yucky wsss and i hope we'll go far! Ily guys! :D

Besties! Ming you disgusting thing and omg leah you look like a retard. HAHA. But, you both are like the best things that happened to me in pj awwwww. Geez, can't imagine how'll life be without you both, really. I guess we've shared quite alot together, and i really really treasure this friendship. Love you both to the maxxxxxx. I know you guys love me too HAHAHA.

It's really amazing how we can bond so much in such a short stint! :D School has been so much more exciting with you guys around (: It's like i know at the back of my head that you guys will be there and pls be assured that i'll always be at your beck and call. Midterms, prelims and As are approaching and let's give it our all yes? I believe we can. Thanks for everything, everything that you guys have done. Such memories are priceless. Love you guys loads loadsssssss loadsssssssssss. <3

Hiakhiak atiqah ho! I'll miss malay lessons with you bitch (: But i'm glad you're always there and like hear me rant and whine 24/7. HAHA. You rock bitch, love you ttm.

Sal : OMG I WENT OUT WITH YOU LIKE THE MOST AND I DON'T HAVE A SINGLE PEEKCHA WITH YOU ))))))))))))): But, thanks for always always always being there and like help me out with whatever problems i have/had. I really appreciate all those things you've done for me, and like do know i'm always here for you too yes? Love you babe, you're a superb friend. You're a gem. (:

Have you told a friend that you love them today? NO?

What are you waiting for!

Sometimes, it's hard to find the ground.

Oh man, it's my third entry of the day!

Anyhoooos, i'm sadddded. I guess i'll be going to my NS medical checkup alone rahhhhhhhhhhhh ): Sal will just reach singapore, ming is leaving and jerm got her innotrek camp training on the day itself! I choose not to go with anyone else nehhhhhhhhh.

I don't know why i'm so freaking stupid as to randomly choose the date myself without consulting anyone at all. Oh man, sometimes i wonder where the hell did my brains go? They were prolly on holiday too.

i need to use up more of my brain's capacity; who knows it'll bring me to Harvard hahahaha.

Stop arching your brows, i can see that!

Jermaine was commenting on some blogs and here's her comment about mine :

- hmm.. Apparently he is having some crisis with his work and life with all that questioning. The more you question,the more blanks will start popping up.Well,I am a phone call away.. and do your math!

Whoa, crisis!

But i'm actually okay with it cos i know it'll mould me to be much more resilient yes? And i need such kick in my life, or it'll be such a humdrum. Mundane and unexciting.

Ya ya, talk is cheap!

take a slower ride.

I think i'm vv melancholic by nature, and like as i grow, i'm more inclined to such slow, sappy songs. I'm not sure if it's a good sign, or perhaps, it's an indication that we're all growing too fast, simply too fast.

Oh man, i'm only eighteen, and i still have so much more to explore!

Step by step, from Zero to Hero.

Thank God.

Kudos, i've completed ONE chapter for chem yay - for the whole of today though HAHAHAHA.

I know it's not enough, way toooo little but heck, i feel accomplished. C'mon, get in my shoes and you'll understand. Eh wait, you prolly don't cos i don't really get it myself :/

I guess what's best for me is to take a chill pill and just relax. Put all those unnecessary worries and fears aside, far far away and just get into action.

I'll always get bogged down by the amount of work i've done and end up not doing anything cos i know it'll never be enough.

But i've come to realise that these little things do go a long way, like it may blossom into something really worthwhile at the end of the road. Small steps may not seem justifiable initially but the point here is to see the big picture - and these steps(regardless of the extent) do make a difference eventually.

It's really cool that i've got it all sorted out. But, i hope that it'll not be like youknow those temporary phases that'll get like kicked out of the system once other distractions set in. :/

On another note altogether, i gotta hit the pool soon. It's been a few weeks already, and wow how time flies.

this peacefulness is pure

it's devoid of squalor
and full of beauty

amazing as it is
it dazes you

get back to the real world.

TENNIS' THE SEX.

hahaha. i mean like the court, the ballssssss and the racket are just sexy and yummy right right? tsk sounds disgusting but you get my idea. yesterday's tennis session is the bomb.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

i tell you i'm the craziest tennis player around. i bring the racket everywhere i gooo manzxz(when i'm at HOME), and not forgetting the loud hysterical shriek i present to the world when i step on the court. the feeling is just ..... magical.

idk man, this whole passion for tennis is overwhelming. and it's the only thing that i can think of when i'm breathing shit i'm running away again.

i'm sorry if i sound crude but i fucking need to get back on track now. have wasted 2 days cos was watching teeveee and eating endless chips i'm gonna grow fat but whatever i played tennis and worked out AFTER THAT so that's settled.

i really don't get the idea of 'appearing' all noble in your blog entry cos you don't want to be judged; but wtf, if that's what you already are, what's the point of hiding?

but i'm nice and ikylm! tsktsk.

okay i really really don't feel like studying, i shall go enrol in some dance school and learn contemporary dance - that's what i really really like anyway. (and tennis too :D)

fuck it's been a while since i get down to some serious studying. i need a shove down my ass and a hard knock like really really badly so that i'll studyyyy. but i hope it'll not be too late by then.

i need help.

and it lingers on.

was listening to it from like 9 plus pm all the way till now. never grew sick of it, never will.

no relations whatsoever to my life, but amazingly haunting - in a good way, that is.

when the heart speaks.

you have no idea
how free it is, how free
to be locked from the inside
cos all you're thinking of is to
escape--

i'm imbued by strong emotions within me, coursing in record-speed time and i'm left breathless. i don't seem to know how best to describe it in words cos my mind's all jumbled up and messy. really messy.

when everything is just too fast
too profound
and it rips you off your soul

you'd just lay bare
motionless
and empty

yet everyone's ahead
not looking back

but

you're stuck with four walls
and the rocks within

i'd love to go to somewhere peaceful(cemetery, perhaps) and get everything sorted out. my priorities, my aims, my ambition, my wants, my desires, my life - they're all so ambiguous and unclear, i don't know where i'm heading to. maybe, that's why i'm just shuffling along, getting to nowhere.

i guess there's a certain phase of life when everything seems doubtful and vague, and you're just floating along with the rest - cos everyone seems to be doing so. ah well ah well, maybe i think too much :/

but i am really, really dubious of what am i doing now. my perception of what lies ahead, the upcoming events and my future is so warped, it's like i don't feel i'm really facing up to this. willpower, determination? where art thou?

and how interesting can life be when you don't find pleasure in doing things you love anymore. i don't even find joy after 10 laps of swimming or don't even feel like working out(albeit the perpetual rants to people that i want a hotttt bod). sigh oh sigh.

i have so much more to say, so much more to voice out. but i guess i'll still have to sort it out myself eventually so what's the point of ranting? i have to consistently convince myself to endure and it'll all be worth it eventually.

pray for me that i'll be safe and protected in His plan. i know i will.

cos that's how it works.

some things are just wayyy beyond our control.