I'M BURNT!
Yes, with reddish skins and an ugly shade of brown. Oh ma gawdzzz you guys know how i much hated my skin colour cos i think it's disgusting right?
It's even more disgusting now.
Sigh, how i wish i can be as fair as michael jackson without having to go through what he did.
Anyway, ming, stef, jovan, jack, law and i did CIP yesterday! Jack and I had to guard the carparks and even though it sounds easy, it's not okay!
Like there are bound to be people who ask unnecessary questions and those who gave unclear answers which hence, caused some disruption.
AND IT WAS ALL UNDRER THE HOT, SWELTERING SUN WHEN IT'S AT ITS PEAK so you can imagine the trauma jack and i had to go through but i guess it's all worth it :D
Dinner at Pastamania after that was funnaye. There was this part when i asked jack to tickle my hand so that i'll laugh and they burst into loud laughters cos apparently, my face expression was damn funny HAHAHA and jack had a laughing fit like he couldn't stop laughing at all omg what a joke.
And we went to arcade after that and jovan played Para Para the dance thing oh ma gawdzzzzzzz. Damn funny pls and he had a new talent discovered cos he's really good in that HAHA. And stef played it too and her face expression was beyond descriptions haha you should have seen the video jack and law recorded!
It was really a fun bonding session yesterday, looking forward to more of such outings! :D
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
When it's cold outside.
School's such a drag.
Sometimes i wonder if i'm very cynical by nature, but doesn't that mean i'm at least aware of the negative ramifications of situations, which will not make me plunge into a well of self-denial or delusion?
Okay a random survey!
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. (no, i don't think i'm friendly to everybody. but i'm very friendly and open if you are!)
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. (true) Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you've found that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. (yes i agree i'm straightforward but it's not really a positive thing all the time)
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. (yes, this two sentences are true. but the first actually brings me down cos my goals tend to deviate and waver frequently)
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. (yes, i'm very afraid of failure. aren't you?)
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. (sigh, very true) This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. (v exaggerated) It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (oh c'mon, this is easier said than done)
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. (yes, it is v erratic) You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
I miss the waves. Those waves crashing on the shores, with such vigour and force, yet subtle and innocent. Mysteriously haunting, silently calling out.
looking around
heads turned
yet faceless
Sometimes i wonder if i'm very cynical by nature, but doesn't that mean i'm at least aware of the negative ramifications of situations, which will not make me plunge into a well of self-denial or delusion?
Okay a random survey!
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. (no, i don't think i'm friendly to everybody. but i'm very friendly and open if you are!)
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. (true) Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you've found that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. (yes i agree i'm straightforward but it's not really a positive thing all the time)
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. (yes, this two sentences are true. but the first actually brings me down cos my goals tend to deviate and waver frequently)
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. (yes, i'm very afraid of failure. aren't you?)
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. (sigh, very true) This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. (v exaggerated) It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (oh c'mon, this is easier said than done)
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. (yes, it is v erratic) You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
I miss the waves. Those waves crashing on the shores, with such vigour and force, yet subtle and innocent. Mysteriously haunting, silently calling out.
looking around
heads turned
yet faceless
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Those moments.
I was v v v pissed a while ago but Corrinne May's 'On The Side Of Me' is so therapeutic, it calmed my nerves down hurhur.
I'm so wide awake i can like go swim 20 laps nowwwww cos i slept in the afternoon for like a couple of hours. It wasn't a good sleep though.
Okay, i want to rant and since a blog is such a perfect platform to voice out the inherent feelings, i'll do just that.
I'm A and that person's B.
A : Omg i'm happy! (inserts smiley)
B : Huh why?
A : Haha nothing la, just happy....
B: Say omg what!
A : Oh in my school, they have this banding thing for chemistry. Like people with the same grades will flock to the same lecture kinda thing. So, we're all like segregated according to our mid year chem grade and all.
B : Woo okay, so which group are you in?
A : Huh hmmmmm, ah the first group.
B : Huh? First group? Wth is 'first' group? 'First' has so many meanings!
A : Err the group with the best range of grades? Anyway, they're like the cream of the crop so i'm probably the stupidest so no big deal la.
B: (sneered sarcastically) ------> okay maybe i read too much into it cos i'm v v sensitive over such issues.
A : (quite pissed) Whatever pls, there's only 2 people in my class who made it to that lecture group okay.
B: Well, you must still strive. (sounded condescendingly)
I'm not sure if the typed out convo sounds not-that-bad-actually but in reality, it felt like a slap in the face with a deflated minute bubble and a bruised infinitesimal ego.
And i'm not trying to brag whatsoever and if you think i am, then you just don't know me well enough.
Fuck you times infinity for making me feel like the stupidest person on earth. I don't need big praises cos i don't give a shit about that.
Just a simple 'well done' would suffice seriously, to make me feel a teeny weeny better of myself but i guess that might cost like $345678543654356785943 million dollars.
How thefuck can people be so discouraging oh ma gawdz, maybe they are traumatised due to some great ordeal in their life to the point of suicidal and there's like no light at the end of the tunnel.
Not even a glimmer of hope.
Totally.
I'm so wide awake i can like go swim 20 laps nowwwww cos i slept in the afternoon for like a couple of hours. It wasn't a good sleep though.
Okay, i want to rant and since a blog is such a perfect platform to voice out the inherent feelings, i'll do just that.
I'm A and that person's B.
A : Omg i'm happy! (inserts smiley)
B : Huh why?
A : Haha nothing la, just happy....
B: Say omg what!
A : Oh in my school, they have this banding thing for chemistry. Like people with the same grades will flock to the same lecture kinda thing. So, we're all like segregated according to our mid year chem grade and all.
B : Woo okay, so which group are you in?
A : Huh hmmmmm, ah the first group.
B : Huh? First group? Wth is 'first' group? 'First' has so many meanings!
A : Err the group with the best range of grades? Anyway, they're like the cream of the crop so i'm probably the stupidest so no big deal la.
B: (sneered sarcastically) ------> okay maybe i read too much into it cos i'm v v sensitive over such issues.
A : (quite pissed) Whatever pls, there's only 2 people in my class who made it to that lecture group okay.
B: Well, you must still strive. (sounded condescendingly)
I'm not sure if the typed out convo sounds not-that-bad-actually but in reality, it felt like a slap in the face with a deflated minute bubble and a bruised infinitesimal ego.
And i'm not trying to brag whatsoever and if you think i am, then you just don't know me well enough.
Just a simple 'well done' would suffice seriously, to make me feel a teeny weeny better of myself but i guess that might cost like $345678543654356785943 million dollars.
How the
Not even a glimmer of hope.
Totally.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Chapter by chapter.
"Change is a funny thing. We never are quite sure what we are becoming or even why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got that way. Only one thing about change remains constant...it is always painful."
I suppose the only thing which is painful, is the fact that we became so comfortable with who we've become, that we find it hard to accept change, and become someone who we can be, when in fact that whole time, we thought who we were, was the only person we are.
---
Wow, time flies. It's the 15th today. Fifteenth. I'm not sure when's prelims and the big As nor do i want to know. This apathy is just ...... eating me up.
So much've happened. So, let's just keep it under wraps? Like what's the point of erupting everything cos nothing's gonna change? Nothing.
Nothing.
Because, I'm a pessimist.
---
I can't write gp essays cos apparently, they were commented that it's either too superficial or idealistic. Sigh, i gotta find balance and adopt a new perspective of issues at hand.
I've not been studying religiously since mids were over. I want to dance and compose/write more songs; i just finished another song and ming thinks that my songs are not bad :D
Time's running out and you're supposed to feel breathless during this period but i guess it's not locked into the system as of now. Tomorrow, please? Pretty please. Please, i beg of you.
---
I love conversations which last for hours but it really didn't feel that it stretched that long.
Like i talked to leah for like 3 hours plus by the pool at her place and it really felt short. Going to swim with her tmr! :D
And long conversations with ming, especially that day when we were talking about things related to friendships.
She's such a rare jewel i swear, and i know, i really know that she's one who will really stay come whatever. You've made such a great impact in my life, and i'm sure i did to yours too. Hahaha.
Our exchange of 'love you bestie' everytime we part makes me feel that i'm not alone in this battle, and please be assured you're not too cos i'm always by your side if you need me :D
---
I only know now of life that plays us like puppets, strangled by the string around our necks so we choke on every attempt to make it someplace safe.
This is control staring at me in my own helplessness. And I finally know what optimism is for but I don't feel much like anything tonight.
---
Anyway i really don't like this whole thing of "Omg you're so fake and i hate you and we're never even friends to start with(behind your back kinda thing) but appear nice(okay relatively colder than before)".
Disgusting, isn't it?
Oh come on, don't even try to be bitchy or somewhere along that line cos i have so much more bitchier and sluttier friends who are so much cooler than you so don't even start embarrassing yourself thank you a million :D
---
So people come and go. Some go after making a difference in your life while others just slip through your fingers and soon you forget about them.
Sometimes forgiving is remembering. I don't know what you're carrying around or how long you've been carrying it around.
But as we journey through life, we get hurt and we get wounded, we end up carrying this debts that people owe us.
It's like we carry them with us wherever we go and after a while these bags get heavy don't they?
And they can end up making the journey exhausting.
So may you forgive as you've been forgiven. May you give to others what has been given to you. May you set someone free and find out that it was you.
And may you do it today because you might not have a chance tomorrow.
I suppose the only thing which is painful, is the fact that we became so comfortable with who we've become, that we find it hard to accept change, and become someone who we can be, when in fact that whole time, we thought who we were, was the only person we are.
---
Wow, time flies. It's the 15th today. Fifteenth. I'm not sure when's prelims and the big As nor do i want to know. This apathy is just ...... eating me up.
So much've happened. So, let's just keep it under wraps? Like what's the point of erupting everything cos nothing's gonna change? Nothing.
Nothing.
Because, I'm a pessimist.
---
I can't write gp essays cos apparently, they were commented that it's either too superficial or idealistic. Sigh, i gotta find balance and adopt a new perspective of issues at hand.
I've not been studying religiously since mids were over. I want to dance and compose/write more songs; i just finished another song and ming thinks that my songs are not bad :D
Time's running out and you're supposed to feel breathless during this period but i guess it's not locked into the system as of now. Tomorrow, please? Pretty please. Please, i beg of you.
---
I love conversations which last for hours but it really didn't feel that it stretched that long.
Like i talked to leah for like 3 hours plus by the pool at her place and it really felt short. Going to swim with her tmr! :D
And long conversations with ming, especially that day when we were talking about things related to friendships.
She's such a rare jewel i swear, and i know, i really know that she's one who will really stay come whatever. You've made such a great impact in my life, and i'm sure i did to yours too. Hahaha.
Our exchange of 'love you bestie' everytime we part makes me feel that i'm not alone in this battle, and please be assured you're not too cos i'm always by your side if you need me :D
---
I only know now of life that plays us like puppets, strangled by the string around our necks so we choke on every attempt to make it someplace safe.
This is control staring at me in my own helplessness. And I finally know what optimism is for but I don't feel much like anything tonight.
---
Anyway i really don't like this whole thing of "Omg you're so fake and i hate you and we're never even friends to start with(behind your back kinda thing) but appear nice(okay relatively colder than before)".
Disgusting, isn't it?
Oh come on, don't even try to be bitchy or somewhere along that line cos i have so much more bitchier and sluttier friends who are so much cooler than you so don't even start embarrassing yourself thank you a million :D
---
So people come and go. Some go after making a difference in your life while others just slip through your fingers and soon you forget about them.
Sometimes forgiving is remembering. I don't know what you're carrying around or how long you've been carrying it around.
But as we journey through life, we get hurt and we get wounded, we end up carrying this debts that people owe us.
It's like we carry them with us wherever we go and after a while these bags get heavy don't they?
And they can end up making the journey exhausting.
So may you forgive as you've been forgiven. May you give to others what has been given to you. May you set someone free and find out that it was you.
And may you do it today because you might not have a chance tomorrow.
Friday, July 4, 2008
The richness of life.
Tennis was awesome today so cheers for that! Like leah has improved and the game was good, fantabulous ttm i foresee many many great games ahead!
I worked out after that!! Great feeling man, like it's been quite a while yooooo.
Okay i shall be a swimming enthusiast and go swim again tomorrow HAHA. Anyway i got the time to spare and like i'm only meeting the sluts for partying at like 9 so i can like swim the whole afternoon away :D
Anyway i think simple pleasures in life make everything more worthwhile.
Like really really basic things like a short telly session with my mum and it made my day.
And, i was reading some story books to my cute nephew and nieces and they're damn adorable although mischievous but the latter is justifiable cos they're only kids!
Yes, these events, though sporadic, do make me realise that happiness can really be derived from the little-st of things. Like you don't have to go to great lengths to find or scour for it.
It's been there all along.
I worked out after that!! Great feeling man, like it's been quite a while yooooo.
Okay i shall be a swimming enthusiast and go swim again tomorrow HAHA. Anyway i got the time to spare and like i'm only meeting the sluts for partying at like 9 so i can like swim the whole afternoon away :D
Anyway i think simple pleasures in life make everything more worthwhile.
Like really really basic things like a short telly session with my mum and it made my day.
And, i was reading some story books to my cute nephew and nieces and they're damn adorable although mischievous but the latter is justifiable cos they're only kids!
Yes, these events, though sporadic, do make me realise that happiness can really be derived from the little-st of things. Like you don't have to go to great lengths to find or scour for it.
It's been there all along.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Rants and whatnot.
Le sigh i think i've lost the drive and motivation to do everything and anything.
Went swimming yesterday and realised that my stamina sucks real bad now, and apparently, most of the swimmers ytd were damn fast i don't know why and i had no drive to compete ):
And i guess my speed is slower tooooo oh man this is sucky )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):
And so, with intense feelings of discouragement, i merely swam for 6 laps which is like the least number laps like since forever cos the least number of laps i've been doing all these years is 10 omg this is baddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ah fuck.
Dropped by the library for a while after that to read this book that April recommended but i couldn't find it and so read another book by the same author and found it quite boring actually oh shit i feel discouraged like how can my speed be so much slower okay maybe it's my fault cos i haven't been swimming for eons or maybe they're just damn good ah this is incongrous but i'm really pissed omg i used to excel in swimming rahhhh
Omg breathe in breathe out it's only swimming but then again, i hold swimming v v v close to my heart okay this sentence sounds wrong okay whatever.
Went to eat dinner with chris, matt and brandon at New York New York after that which was rlly rlly good cos they're awesome and the talks we had were intellectual HAHA.
Okay tennis tmr and there's not enough days to like meet up with people which i'm bent on meeting rah 6 days are not enough!
OH AND I'M DAMN PISSED TOO COS THE LACOSTE SLIPPERS WHICH IS JUST BOUGHT IS LIKE NOT AS CHIO ANYMORE.
Cos a bit of the wordings are like scraped off $%^&**&^%$%^& DAMN SAD and i don't know why it may have been due to the locker at the swimming complex which is small and so i had to like force my stuffs in ):
And it's only TWO days old omg my heart breaks when i see it. HAHA but luckily it's like on the behind of the slippers so it cant really be seen but i love it when ppl stare at it cos it's like nice and unique HAHAHA.
Sorry, himbotic moments.
Sigh i guess the belief everyone has that i don't take care of my things is disgustingly true.
Okay i'm off to catch a movie oh shit i did not lift weights today!!!
Went swimming yesterday and realised that my stamina sucks real bad now, and apparently, most of the swimmers ytd were damn fast i don't know why and i had no drive to compete ):
And i guess my speed is slower tooooo oh man this is sucky )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):
And so, with intense feelings of discouragement, i merely swam for 6 laps which is like the least number laps like since forever cos the least number of laps i've been doing all these years is 10 omg this is baddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ah fuck.
Dropped by the library for a while after that to read this book that April recommended but i couldn't find it and so read another book by the same author and found it quite boring actually oh shit i feel discouraged like how can my speed be so much slower okay maybe it's my fault cos i haven't been swimming for eons or maybe they're just damn good ah this is incongrous but i'm really pissed omg i used to excel in swimming rahhhh
Omg breathe in breathe out it's only swimming but then again, i hold swimming v v v close to my heart okay this sentence sounds wrong okay whatever.
Went to eat dinner with chris, matt and brandon at New York New York after that which was rlly rlly good cos they're awesome and the talks we had were intellectual HAHA.
Okay tennis tmr and there's not enough days to like meet up with people which i'm bent on meeting rah 6 days are not enough!
OH AND I'M DAMN PISSED TOO COS THE LACOSTE SLIPPERS WHICH IS JUST BOUGHT IS LIKE NOT AS CHIO ANYMORE.
Cos a bit of the wordings are like scraped off $%^&**&^%$%^& DAMN SAD and i don't know why it may have been due to the locker at the swimming complex which is small and so i had to like force my stuffs in ):
And it's only TWO days old omg my heart breaks when i see it. HAHA but luckily it's like on the behind of the slippers so it cant really be seen but i love it when ppl stare at it cos it's like nice and unique HAHAHA.
Sorry, himbotic moments.
Sigh i guess the belief everyone has that i don't take care of my things is disgustingly true.
Okay i'm off to catch a movie oh shit i did not lift weights today!!!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
It'll linger on.
Yaypedoo mids are over manzzzzzzzzz, it's time to partayeeeeee!
Anyhoo, the bummer part is the fact that after mids, it's gonna be a crazyass period cos As will be nearer and nearer and nearer...
Anyway forget about that for the moment and let's rejoice kids!
Heee anyhoo i've learnt to never everrrrrr think that you know(and so, you did not revise that part) cos you'll prolly end up forgetting it(seriously) hahaha happened quite a number of times already ):
AND MUST ALWAYS TRY AND NEVER EVERRRRRRRR GIVE UP COS SOMETIMES MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. Like i was really really really unsure of the vector qn and while i was doing(thought of not doing actually), i was like '"Ah whatever pls i'm so gonna get this freaking question wrong and let 7 marks fly to Mauritius or something, aiya just do anyhow whatever la seriously".
But thankfully, i can show the position vector just as what need to be shown(it's a show-type of question) and i was like 'huh what i can't believe it. omg you kidding me!' :D and i profusely thanked God (:
Lunch with ming and stef ytd was good, hilarious and louddd. And, i got myself a pair of Lacoste slippers, which i think was a really great buy(courtesy of ming) :D
Okay things to do during this one week stint(cos i have no school yes!) ;
1) WORK OUT (my body = fat and ugly and disgusting)
2) More facial masks pls (face = ugly and disgusting and pimple-fied)
3) Meet up with nicole lim i miss that slut.
4) Meet up with maria, cherre and liwen. (miss those sluts too, party party)
5) Meet up with brandon, chris and matt.
6) Meet up with shikin and irman. (wah we pro donkey years already la)
7) Meet up with sal. (miss you yooooooo)
8) SWIMMING PLS. (must must must, most prolly later though)
9) Leah when's tennis!
10) I want to bake cookies and cupcakes and muffins. (eh jerm i promise and swear i'll bake and lend many many helping hands)
11) Meet up with ming to get prezzies!
12) Meet up with keline and atiqah (it's been long, bitches)
13) Finish up the two books which i borrowed from the library like a few days ago.
14) DANCE.
Okay that's it.
I don't know what to do, shall go do an online IQ test now HAHA.
Anyhoo, the bummer part is the fact that after mids, it's gonna be a crazyass period cos As will be nearer and nearer and nearer...
Anyway forget about that for the moment and let's rejoice kids!
Heee anyhoo i've learnt to never everrrrrr think that you know(and so, you did not revise that part) cos you'll prolly end up forgetting it(seriously) hahaha happened quite a number of times already ):
AND MUST ALWAYS TRY AND NEVER EVERRRRRRRR GIVE UP COS SOMETIMES MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. Like i was really really really unsure of the vector qn and while i was doing(thought of not doing actually), i was like '"Ah whatever pls i'm so gonna get this freaking question wrong and let 7 marks fly to Mauritius or something, aiya just do anyhow whatever la seriously".
But thankfully, i can show the position vector just as what need to be shown(it's a show-type of question) and i was like 'huh what i can't believe it. omg you kidding me!' :D and i profusely thanked God (:
Lunch with ming and stef ytd was good, hilarious and louddd. And, i got myself a pair of Lacoste slippers, which i think was a really great buy(courtesy of ming) :D
Okay things to do during this one week stint(cos i have no school yes!) ;
1) WORK OUT (my body = fat and ugly and disgusting)
2) More facial masks pls (face = ugly and disgusting and pimple-fied)
3) Meet up with nicole lim i miss that slut.
4) Meet up with maria, cherre and liwen. (miss those sluts too, party party)
5) Meet up with brandon, chris and matt.
6) Meet up with shikin and irman. (wah we pro donkey years already la)
7) Meet up with sal. (miss you yooooooo)
8) SWIMMING PLS. (must must must, most prolly later though)
9) Leah when's tennis!
10) I want to bake cookies and cupcakes and muffins. (eh jerm i promise and swear i'll bake and lend many many helping hands)
11) Meet up with ming to get prezzies!
12) Meet up with keline and atiqah (it's been long, bitches)
13) Finish up the two books which i borrowed from the library like a few days ago.
14) DANCE.
Okay that's it.
I don't know what to do, shall go do an online IQ test now HAHA.
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